Understanding Desires and Societal Judgments in Postnatal Motherhood
Envy: What It Is Actually Telling You
Envy gets a bad reputation, particularly when it is directed at women. The jealous woman is a familiar stereotype. This episode looks at what envy actually is, why it is so common in the postnatal period, and why it is worth paying attention to rather than pushing away.
Peta and Frances draw a distinction that matters. Envy is wanting what someone else has. Jealousy is fear of losing what you have. They are not the same emotion, and collapsing them together makes both harder to understand.
In the postnatal period, comparison is everywhere. Social media presents curated versions of other women’s lives. Marketing exploits the gap between what you see and what you have. Other mothers appear to be managing things you are not. What Peta and Frances argue is that the feeling of envy, when you sit with it honestly, is usually telling you something about what you actually want for your own life. That is useful information.
The episode looks at how to use that information constructively. Not to tear down the woman you are comparing yourself to, not to spiral into self-judgement, but to ask what small, realistic step might bring more of what you are missing into your own life. Acknowledging someone else’s success does not diminish yours. There is enough to go around.
Developed by the WHEN Clinical Team. Clinically reviewed by the WHEN Clinical Governance Committee. Last reviewed: 22/06/2026.
With clinical input from Peta Titter, RN, Grad Cert Continence Nursing, Advanced Diploma of Pilates. Honours by Research (diastasis recti). PhD candidate, University of Tasmania. Founder and CEO, WHEN.
With clinical input from Frances Bilbao, Master of Psychology (Clinical), MAPS, Fellow of the College of Clinical Psychologists. Director and Clinical Psychologist, Mums Matter Psychology. National Convenor, APS Perinatal and Infant Psychology Interest Group. 2024 Cartier Women’s Initiative Fellow. Allied Health Awards Psychologist of the Year 2020-2021.
Thanks to Jill Norton and Tim Jones for the music, Danae Thorp from Spellbox for the botanical symbolism, Cameron Heit and the team at Production Farm Studios for the production, and Alex Ennis for assistance with the artwork.
Symbolizing the Sins with Nature
The laurel is a plant is woven into crowns as a symbol of victory and honour. It is a plant that bestows acknowledgement to another. Laurel also reminds us to always claim our own power and uniqueness. Envy can translate to admiration of another and when we do this we are also acknowledging our own talents and skills. Eupheme is a mythological spirit of praise and applause. She reminds us that everyone has a time to shine.
Need Immediate Help?
If you or someone you know is struggling during the postnatal period, it’s crucial to remember that immediate help is available. Here are steps and resources you can turn to:
In Urgent Situations:
Support Services:
Remember, you are not alone, and reaching out for help is a step toward healing. Your well-being is important, and support is just a phone call away.